everyones on drugs

How many of the people you know are on meds? Because nearly everyone I know is. Whether that be giving you more of this or less of that, it’s three pills a day down the hatch on cue. And if you don’t, well you better prepare yourself for a shit day. It’s sad to me to think about if anyone is really their true selves? Will we ever go off of our meds? Will it be like this forever? It seems like its just our generation though, my parents are constantly concerned about the amount of meds doctors will just prescribe to kids. But do we need it? Sometimes I think I need more, sometimes I think I’m just overreacting and wonder if I really need to be on meds. But yes, yes I do. I take meds so that I can focus, and I have a medical marijuana card for my anxiety, however I don’t consider weed to be a harmful medicine. Unfortunately I can’t use my med card at school. And the ease of going to the dispensary and being able to choose whatever strain will make me stop shaking is something I have to wait for until I’m home again. Just today in class I tried to raise my hand, I knew the answer and no one else was speaking but I could only get my hand halfway up before I nearly entered a full blown panic attack. My heart started beating out of my chest, I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t focus. I had the answer she was looking for, so simple. Yet, I couldn’t share my thoughts and knowledge without wanting to run out of that classroom and never turn back. And today, in about an hour and a half, I have to make a speech in front of my class, and I’m going first, on the first day, no I did NOT choose that for myself. My friends joked around last night about how I was taking it too seriously, they all took the same class with the same professor and made the same speeches, but I couldn’t get over that fear and I stood in front of the mirror practicing for hours, a 2 minute speech. I wonder if therapy would take some of that away, I didn’t used to be this nervous. I used to be so social, interacting with everyone and anyone. I can’t just walk up to a stranger at a party and ask what their name is anymore. Starting a conversation doesn’t come with ease anymore. I trip up on my words and overthink every detail until I find myself in bed laying awake at 3am trying to smother my thoughts into my pillows. I’m lucky enough to have a group of friends that understand those feelings, we all deal with our anxiety in different way and have different things that tick us off. However as much of a support system it is, I can’t help but think we’re stuck in this group mentality, making it worse for each other. Because honestly, my anxiety started getting worse when I started to spend a lot of time with this group. When I surround myself with more social people who push me to go out more and meet new people, I can do it, and I love it most of the time. I don’t know, if anyone is still following along, this is really just a stream of consciousness, hopefully someone can relate.